What do you think happened to me?
My life has been blessed. There are some things I cant explain tho, i am a guy from Asia (but not look like chinese) around 22 about 6'2 inches, pisces. When I was younger, about 15 years old, I found that finding love is easier/ lots of girls did a crush on me (I was an international student back in europe). The record of my life was that when returning back home, I joined this gym nearby my house, there I met, I think to this day the prettiest sexiest woman I have seen (but she is older than me, about 23 at the time, i think she was a model about 171cm). I dont know either I was getting through karma these days. U see when I met with that girl in the gym, 1st time, we did flirts (she went into my car, and i remember to this day, she is asking if I want to get to her home/ she gives me her phone number. Short to say, she keeps calling me every night, texting, I even ignored her, but she keeps texting (she text me almost everyday! asking have u eaten yet? do u wanna watch movies together. I wasnt sure either why I didnt fff her (Indeed, I dont. I never getting laid w her and I really DONT know where she is now) I was too somekind of naive i think. This goes on and on We met only 3x. I dont know if I get some kind of karma (although I dont believe it). Now, I dont know what happen to me, since then i had only 2 girlfriends so far (I fucked the girls of course). But I have about 11 another girls/ one night stands..women I did sleep with until now. I FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT now to find love while getting laid gets easier (But I wanted to change if I can get someone that I have strong emotional feeling: feeling to spend time: joking, laughing, understanding each other, caring for each other) I almost found 1 girl back in 2006. WE WERE VERY CLOSE until 2009. But at the end, we didnt work out somehow, it never starts. In 2009, SHE NEVER TALKS to me again (I DONT KNOW WHY even until today for god sake!), she deleted my fb account, block them, she never replied to any of my messages, and she never wants to see me, I really dont know why she is doing this really (ps: I only see her 2x in my life, we chatted on msn all the time, fb, etc) SHE IS A PISCES AS WELL. Since 2010, she never replies to my messages (I even visit her and study in the university in the city where she lives). But, she never replies any of them, thus I didnt get a chance to see her. of course, the place where she lives is Amsterdam (I as the girl didnt reply anything/ didnt even care that I visit her, I started to fool around again. There, Through out 1 year, I got laid with another 4 Brunettes and 2 blondes. Night stands in 12 months/ they are my friends's friends, university students.... ) Night stand doesnt last that long, friends with benefits, some 3 weeks the max! I hd bn trying to somehow quit from the life I had in the past, and wanted to find a good girl that we both can connect in conversation with one another I attempted to quit back then, and yea at the end of 2010, my resolution was "Dude, come on, find and start a serious relationship with a good woman!" I was about to make a move with girl also from Asia, another model. She has the most beautiful eyes I have seen in my life, and through the words she uses, I think she is a good, kind-hearted person. Well, I met her last time, for the first time, and for the last time back in 2005. She only has 2 boyfriends in all her life (back then in 2010). She is 25 years old now. I sent her a valentines gift last year in 2011, a baquet of flowers, and I didnt know that the color I chose is her FAVOURITE color! YOU KNOW, we were close. I thght this time would work with this girl, although she is older than me. We did intense communication from october 2010 until july 2011. This is entering d point whr I cant explain wt happened even until to this day. In july 2011, I flied back home, 1 week, I texted her again, saying hey do you want to go out w/ me those things....she uses lots LOTS OF EMOTICONS :D those happy symbols: smile, etc...I did flirts a lot w her, and she laughs She seems busy with her photoshoot schedules, etc (not at right time myb). At this time, she went abroad 2x, I still txted her, she replied (she is a GEMINI fyi), when shes abroad, SHE TOLD ME TO VISIT HER THERE? so we could have lunch (bcz i asked whr r u, can we go on lunch?"), she went there with her family I DIDNT GO TO HER because its just too far..and I was busy with my capital firm. FOR 2X others, she asked me to go to visit her, I didn. bcz i dont hv driving license, and its 5 hours of drive! SHE CHANGED SINCE THEN, She dated another guy I think OUT OF NOWHERE! but she still sms with me randomnly until now! I tried to forget this, and met nthr grl (virgo). Similar looks to my ex gf, but she alrdy has a byfriend. Good thing is there are some secret that she told me, and her fb DOESNT KNOW! but the point is love is hard to find, SO whch one should

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Coping with being ugly?
I can't handle being ugly anymore, I was tipped over the edge the other week with a really bad experience on a date with a girl i met over facebook. We was talking over Facebook, I had some pictures up of myself, I have bucked teeth, big ears, and I am quite ugly side on too. The pictures on the facebook didnt show my teeth, and they all where face on, so thats why she was interested in me over facebook. But of course when we met, see seen me full on. When she first seen me in person she jumped like she was surprised. She didnt look at me, and hardly talked. We went back to her house (thats where we agreed to go when we met) and we sat down stairs. Originally she was going out into town with her sister and nan at what she said was half past5 when we was talking over the internet the night before, but when we got to her house, her sister came down to say hello and immediately they both went outside for a minuet and her sister came back in laughing and walked straight past me then shouted that they had to go to meet their nan at halfpast3 now and not half past5 anymore, which of course was a lie, and she wanted me out her house as quick as possible. And she deleted me off facebook soon after too. I was unbelievably humiliated. I felt so small, I just felt like breaking down. I was broken, I still am. I couldnt belive what happend to me. I really cant handle being ugly no more and I really do want to kill myself because I'll never be happy with a nice girl because im too ugly. But I cant kill myself because i am too close to my family and i wont do that to them, so i have to keep living this hell. I dont know what to do. I am a broken man! And now I get SO ANGY & JEALOUS when I see a good looking guy with a nice girlfriend because I know I will never have that. I get really upset when i see guys that are good looking I think to myself why does he get to be good looking, get nice girls and then find love love with one & I never will. I hate my life. I really would kill myself if it wasn't for my family. That date I had recently really was horrible. Please! What should I do I feel horrible everyday of my life. I am living complete hell!

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I wish i could just kill myself im very depressed?
I know much people arent going to read this but ill take the time to type it. Why is it so hard for me to live a good happy life? Everyday it feels like i have the worst luck. Plus,how im a bit spiritual on some terms, i feel very depressed. Ive been seeing the number 111 and 11.11 , for a long time now.I dont know what it means but i dont really check for it as much. After having a serious relationship with my ex for 8 months, I was sad and desperate for 4 whole months. By that time i really wanted to kill myself because i thought living life was just ridiculous. Im a really nice and sweet person, but bad things always happen to me. I always give and give to people who arent even good people, and i dont even receive anything back. Im always left alone in a shadow, and i feel like death or harm is following me by. There was also a myth about seeing black cats, and just the other day i witnessed one. I guess thats more bad luck my way. Also, when i broke the friendship of my bestfriend, people always come up telling me mean stuff like why i left her, im a bad person, i betray people and blablabla. To tell you the truth ive never liked this girl, but why do all the hatred always come to me. Im always nice,im quite innocent, and all i want to do is find love. Every relationship ive went through was just utter failure. And now im just realising that men and boys only want you for sex. Whats the point of even putting men on the world if they will just cause abruption? Now i have no one to turn to, everyone just always have something mean or some bad news to say concerning me. No one to love, no one to depend on, bad luck, hatred, no help. Praying? What is praying going to do. As much as people suffer from diseases, illnesses, and death, do you think God is going to help me a person who just wants to be loved? Im quite healthy and theres nothing wrong with me but all i want is love. Do you think God is going to care the least bit for me and help. He only helped me by making all those boys i liked leave me for some reason. Now all i want to do is just die. Im so tired of it all, i dont even know why im on this earth..

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